I just returned from a 2 month trip from New York to San Diego, Amsterdam, Bangkok, Egypt, and back home to New York. I was soooo excited to get back to my routines and connect with my friends and family.

The first person I called was of course…mom.

I was expecting her to yell at me for not calling for 2 months or for going to all these “dangerous” places.

Instead, the first thing she asked me was…

“You have boyfriend yet?”

“No mom, I don’t have a boyfriend. I was too busy riding camels and exploring one of the ONLY 7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD LEFT ON EARTH.”

“Nobody will want to be with you if you keep moving around like this. You need to stay in one place.”

I love my mom to death. But since I left Houston, I know she worries about me everyday and wants me to have a husband to give her the peace of mind that someone is out there taking care of me.

The truth is I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t want a relationship.

What I want is a partnership. What’s the difference?

A relationship is what you have when two people agree to be together with the expectation to have their needs fulfilled by each other.

A partnership is what you have when two people agree to be together to share what they have because they can independently fulfill their own needs.

Being in a relationship is like an employee – boss dynamic. You both dependently need each other to survive because this person is providing a form of security you cannot provide for yourself.

What we lack within ourselves we project an unrealistic expectation for the other to fulfill that need for us.

The source of all of these “needs” stem from some form of insecurity.

We all have that ONE friend that is always in a new relationship because of their fear of being alone.

Or what about that ONE friend that is always dating around but never serious because they have a addictive need for attention or to be desired.

Or that ONE friend that hates dating because they keep having the same issues with all their relationships when the common denominator is them.

Whatever it may be, it will always be unrealistic because nobody’s purpose is to fulfill someone else’s needs.

So what does a partnership look like? Just imagine two individuals where…

• They don’t have a fear of being alone because they have self-love.
• They don’t have a need to be fed because they can feed themselves.
• They don’t have a need for attention because they’re focused on their purpose.
• They don’t have a need for validation because they operate on certainty.
• They don’t have a need for appreciation because they know their own value.

Partnerships don’t operate in the same employee-boss dynamic, but rather a joint venture dynamic.

The joint-venture dynamic is one where both individuals bring their own unique value to the table and share a common purpose. They have a fair agreement to share their assets to achieve a goal that is equally favorable.

They also both know they can exist without each other but would rather co-exist to create something greater than what they can create by themselves.

Relationships are driven by how much pleasure and dopamine you can make each other feel while partnerships are driven by creating lasting assets and experiences that exist long after the dopamine passes.

Relationships are built on an admiration for what you have in common but partnerships have the same admiration for each others differences.

“Ok Google, translate this to Vietnamese and send to mom.”

Haha just kidding. If I did, she’d probably reply with “this is why you have no boyfriend!”

You’re right mom. But it’s not because I don’t want a boyfriend, it’s because I refuse to compromise and be in just a relationship.

Conclusion

At the core of each human being, we all have a desire to love and be loved for who we are.

When we show up to a relationship with insecurities and unrealistic expectations, you’ll have 20% high dopamine and 80% of jealousy, anger, guilt trips, under appreciation, disrespect, ultimatums, and tons of emotional blackmail.

These relationships are just a trade off of insecurities and infatuations until one person gets emotionally burned out.

My mom may think it’s a fairytale but I strongly believe that when you choose to be with someone without the expectations of them fulfilling your needs, all you have is love.

Unfortunately, having a partnership isn’t a matter of luck. It takes serious work.

First, you have to get your shit together.

Second, you have to find someone who has their shit together.

Third, both of you have to be attracted to each other.

Relationships can be very fun but also a huge distraction of the first goal of “get your shit together”.

I’m looking forward to the day when my mom asks me “you have boyfriend yet?”

and I say “no mom, I have partner”.